Its already been proven that EBP feel that they have a Ph.D in everything once they have attained some college education. However, when it comes to helping fellow BP, EBP are qualified experts. While it is totally great for we as a people to help each other, some EBP take it too far. They some how take it upon themselves to become the ambassadors to “elite” America.

EBP always know what’s best for their parents, grandparents or cousins who may not be EBP. A favorite of the EBP is to help an UEBP cousin or “play-cousin” get a job interview. They will work tirelessly with the UEBP on pronunciation of words and proper grammar usage. The EBP may even help the UEBP select an interview worthy outfit. Some EBP have a flair for helping the UEBP in a non-discriminatory manner, while others completely make the UEBP feel like dog poop. However, the EBP does not know they are hurting their UEBP’s feelings because they are too high on their horse to notice.

EBP have a special way of insulting their parents or grandparents while thinking they know what’s best for them. EBP typically insult these individuals buy giving them gifts that they wouldn’t possibly use or maybe understand. For example, an EBP may feel his or her grandmother needs more vitamins in their diet because they eat too much pork. The EBP solution to this problem is to enroll “Big Mama” into Harry & David’s Fruit of the Month Club. This is just a waste of money, no person over the age of 70 would eat fruit that came in the mail! Its not even the “thought that counts” on this one because “Grandma” will probably think the EBP is crazy for buying delicious fruit in the mail.

It is well known that EBP love the spa. In fact, they love it so much, they may give spa gift cards or “pre-paid” spa services to their parents, UEBP or EBP. The note on the card will probably say something like,”You deserve a day of pampering.” The EBP knows this is the best way to help the UEBP forget they’re uneducated. While this would be a welcome gift for a young EBP or an UEBP, many older EBP are somewhat old fashioned in that they don’t like to be touched by strangers. It is important to note that the gift card will never be to the spa the EBP uses; heaven forbid they have to talk to the UEBP at the spa! EBP love to give gifts to EBP that they feel will make the UEBP’s life better or more EBP-like; because everyone strives to live like an EBP! *Chris you know you’re an EBP!

BET used to be a station that all BP loved, EBP or not. It was classy and entertaining. Today (post Donnie Simpson Era), BET is degrading and disgusting to any person with a brain, especially an EBP.

Maybe it is sign of the times, but BET only shows over-sexed apes jumping around with rims and chains. Could it be that once BET was purchased by the company that owns MTV, Viacom, all the EBP that worked for the company were fired? These music videos teach children that all one needs to be successful is the ability to sell drugs and have sex with many women or men. These videos don’t get much air time over at MTV. I wonder why….. I won’t even begin to talk about BET Uncut; I wouldn’t even call it SOFT-porn…it’s just porn.

Along with the new owners also came new shows: “Hell Date and “We Got to Do Better” previously known as “Hot Ghetto Mess.” Put these shows in the graveyard. Shows with midgets dressed as devils and Charlie Murphy as a host are never positive for BP.

The reason many EBPs boycott BET is because watching it makes them cringe. They know that some WP is watching this channel, thinking that ALL BP are the same! Also, many EBP like to tell other EBP or UEBP that they do not watch BET or they enjoyed BET in the past when Donnie Simpson hosted, even Tavis was ok.  Discussing the “old Bet”  makes them feel superior to anybody who watches this channel today.

This lost episode of The Boondocks explains it all.

As the weather warms up, many EBP are heading outdoors. Playing golf has become a part of EBP culture. For some, it has been a game they’ve played all their lives, for others, it is a game they are learning to play to fit in with other EBPs or corporate America. Golf is a defining trait of the EBP lifestyle. However, there exist 2 types of EBP in the golf world.

The first, is the EBP that actually enjoys playing golf and does so at any chance they get. This EBP takes vacations to certain golf destinations, has a monogram golf bag, and possibly plaid pants. An EBP such as this knows how to keep score and all the rules of the game.

The second EBP only likes the idea of golf. He or she has an expensive set of clubs, rarely used, a complete golfing ensemble and absolutely no knowledge of how to play the game. This EBP pretends to like golf and has all the bells and whistles so that he or she may come across as a person who knows the game; this is done only to fit in with the crowd. You can spot an EBP like this by taking them up on an invitation they have extended a thousand times to join them for a game. You will arrive and they will immediately head to the driving range. After 15 or 20 minutes, you can ask them if they are ready to head to the course. If they say yes, you are with a true EBP. However, if they say “no”, and then say, “Are we not playing golf now?”, you have the EBP golf poser.

So, the only way to find out if you have met a true fellow EBP or a poser is to invite them for a game of golf. Also, be prepared to judge their attire; squeaky clean shoes shoes are a giveaway.

Most EBP have some amount of disposable income. When an EBP desires to purchase something, he will go about it in a way different from that of the UEBP.

For instance, when an EBP wants to purchase a new HDTV or designer handbag (not COACH). The typical BP will pay either by cash or credit card. Paying cash, particularly a large amount, sends up a red flag at the retail establishment. A BP could only have this large amount of cash on hand if they are a “street pharmacist.” Paying with a credit card can go either way. If the card is an AMEX Black or Platinum, this is acceptable; any others scream, I’m already in debt, but I have to get this TV or bag. The retail clerks will make comments as to how long before you can pay off the item on your card.

A true EBP will pay with a DEBIT card. This screams, “I have money, but I keep it all in the bank, not in a roll under my mattress.”  Also the money is taken out immediately, again confirming the EBP’s monetary status.

Checks are also an acceptable form of currency, but writing them takes too much time from the EBP’s busy schedule.

EBP love to show that they are well-connected. What better way to show this than by “pulling strings?” This ability has become a rite of passage for most EBPs.

It usually begins during a casual conversation with a friend or new acquaintance. Someone will usually say they are looking for a job, trying to get their child into a pre-school, or wants to hire a white maid. The EBP usually say, “Oh, I have a guy that…… or, I went to school with a guy that…….” This baits you into their conversation. On the inside, the EBP is formulating how far this conversation will go. Yes, they may know someone that can help you, but really they haven’t talked to that person in months or years. However, this does not matter, the mere fact that they can say they know a person that can help you is validation of their EBP status. If they are pretending, they will ask you for your contact information and promise to make a few calls and get back to you. However, in reality, they won’t ever call or email you - it was all “smoke and mirrors.” You have just been sold a dream, so you might as well go through the proper channels to get what you want.

Now, if the EBP is actually on good terms with a person that can help you, they will say, “Hold on, let me step outside and make a call.” This means they actually know someone who can help. EBPs love to make a call! Once the phone call is finished, they will return to you grinning like the cat that swallowed the canary. This is because they have performed the ultimate EBP act. They have shown how connected and educated they are by knowing someone important and they have helped out a fellow BP. An extra 10 points for helping a WP, because most EBP don’t want to help WP, but they do it anyway to show off their EBP status and that they are better than them.

EBP love to not only feel important, but look the part as well. One way to show their elevated status to the world is by having a PDA accompanied with a Bluetooth device. Sure we all know that Bluetooths are marketed as a “hands-free” device in order to make talking on your cellular more convenient, but they also represent importance. Having a Bluetooth permanently fixated on your ear means “I am important and someone needs to reach me at all times, therefore I need to be available at all times.” EBP wear their Bluetooth devices everywhere: to dinner, to the gym, to the movies, while being photographed and during meetings at work. They are even worn on dates, giving the illusion that you are on a date with a very busy and desired VIP. The Bluetooth is a status symbol of continued success. If someone does call an EBP and they are busy (i.e. eating dinner, taking a test, or changing their clothes in the dressing room), they will promptly say “I’ll call you back.” This too signifies that they are busy, busy, busy! The EBP also gets pleasure in saying “I don’t know who this is, let me take this call” and put someone else on hold when they are talking on their Bluetooth, which continues to demonstrate their status.

What is the Bluetooth without the accompanying PDA? These personal devices scream that they are the ultimate EBP who is very successful and important. They are often too big to continually hold to your ear to have a conversation, so the Bluetooth is almost standard with these devices. EBP take pleasure in pulling out their large devices and acting like they are doing something important on it to demonstrate their success. Even if they are checking the weather or their Face book or My Space page, the poking around on the flip up QWERT keyboard, or using their Blackberry pen to “write a digital note” it makes them look busy, and of course important. The onlooker looks in envy at the device wishing they too could be so connected. It’s especially great when someone needs a quick answer to something that could be found on the web, or know when a meeting is, and the EPB can whip out their PDA and say “I’ll just check my phone.” The EPB looks organized and ready to go!

Don’t assume though that the EPB is actually talking to someone just because they have their Bluetooth on. You can start a conversation with them if you see them wearing their Bluetooth. Just note that the conversation may not last long and soon you may hear an “excuse me” and with the push of their finger they’ll answer the phone with their Bluetooth. Don’t be offended. It just goes with the territory of being an important EPB.

–submitted by Tanisha

EBPs love to be "the exception." There is no better way to separate themselves from regular BP, than by an EBP’s choice of footwear. The deck shoe or boating shoe is very popular in the EBP community. Most EBP prefer the Sperry brand of deck shoe.

EBPs love wearing their deck shoes with shorts, khakis, or seersucker pants. The shoes complete the ultimate EBP weekend look. However, this look confuses most WP. It says to WP that this EBP must be going out on a WP’s yacht because no black person could own his own yacht. As the WP thinks more about the EBP in deck shoes, he wonders if the EBP is being forced onto the yacht. This is because WP think most blacks hate the water and/or do not know how to swim. My statistics show that for every black person that can swim, there are the same number of WP that can dance. So, only a small number of BP enjoy the water; and they are mostly EBPs .

Deck shoes also provide an alternative to those athletic slippers or "house shoes" so many UEBP wear in public. The ones with a large velcro strap that are worn with athletic socks. When rushing out to the market, an EBP can easily slip on deck shoes, as they coordinate with any ensemble, to keep from looking like an UEBP who wears these slippers in public.

EBPs love deck shoes because wearing them allows them to remain prepared. An EBP never knows when their boss or co-worker will call them on a yachting emergency, so they must remain fully dressed at all times. However, most EBPs who wear deck shoes will never step foot on a boat while wearing them; well maybe Al from Bay Shore, but he’s the ultimate exception.

We Educated Black People LOVE to give our children names that show that “we’ve arrived!”

Names that won’t leave the teacher guessing where the accent should be.  Names that don’t necessarily reveal the child’s race like Nina(often times followed by Simone), Melanie, Noah(many are huge fans), Drew, Aiden, Nile and Gavin.  Gone is the day where Shaquan, De’Ja-nae and LaPonicah reign supreme.   

Although we’re not too crazy about unusual spellings, we love giving our girls masculine names with a twist like Ryann, Alexx and Jordyn.  Last names as first names?  We like those too,for boys and girls, like Riley, Reid and Madison.  These names also work very well with the ever popular initial as the first name. 

There are a growing number of EB’s that, on occasion, throw in ”ethnic” names like Kesi, Nadirah and Akil(nothing too over the top; that also goes for Biblical places for names like Judah and Eden) but they’re seldom used as first names.  Heavens no.  The EBP reserves those names for that ever popular SECOND middle name; you know, the one that is seldom used.

It starts with their first born.  Be it the first name as an initial, middle name and last name or the afore mentioned first name, middle, 2nd middle and last name.  To keep up the trend with the second born, the child will either share the 3 initials of his sibling, both children will have a 2nd middle name or their first names will share the same letter.  Many EB’s are moving away from naming their son’s junior.  It’s better to have a Nathan Montgomery Edwards, II than to have a Nate or Monty, Jr. as those names wouldn’t read well on the birth announcement written of course in Bradley Hand ITC or Calligraphy.   

—-submitted by JaBe

There appears to be several lawyers who read this blog, so I’m sure they’ll really appreciate this post. It is also a self-congratulatory message for myself. If some of you don’t like, I don’t care if you complain or allege the post is weak.

For those EBP who manage to survive law school, graduation comes with feelings of mixed emotions. Of course they are happy to be done with the 3 year ass whipping that is law school, but are also dreading the preparation to study for the Bar exam.

During the time when an EBP is studying for the Bar, they will not be visible to their social circle, unless it consists of other EBP studying for the Bar. Many of you may not even know your EBP friend is studying for the Bar. There is good reason for this. An EBP will not tell many people that he/she is studying for the Bar, because the next thing out of the other person’s mouth will be, “When are the results coming out?” I hated that question. It’s like saying, “Let me know, so I can talk about you behind your back if you fail.”

In contrast, once an EBP has passed the Bar, all hell breaks out. Everybody in the world will know. It will be in theie status on Facebook, AIM or whatever instant message program they use. If you know an EBP who took the Bar and passed, you will probably be part of a mass text message informing you of their passing. The pastor will announce it in church and their parents will call every relative they hate or never talked to, to rub it in their faces.

The pressure will now be on for the new attorney to wear business attire everyday and distribute business cards to every person they meet. Don’t talk about them though, they deserve to relish in the glory for a while. However, if they’re still doing a little too much after a month or so, tell them to give it a rest.

All educated black people loathe speaking about work away from the office. They prefer to only do so while on the clock, so they are compensated for their bitching. There is one exception, though.

This is when educated black people take the opportunity to analogize slavery. Ask an educated black person how work is going and you’re guaranteed one of two responses: the why-would-you-ever-ask-this-question, two-word response, “It’s work” or “They’re working me like a slave.”

If said educated black person is having an extremely tough day, the EBP will add an adjective to slave and say “they’re working me like a Hebrew slave.” Be wary of further questioning. This will breech a levee, and lead to said black person comparing their offices to plantations and their bosses to slave masters.

This is because all educated black people feel a sincere link to their oppressed descendants who would not die on slave ships. Educated black people, for good reason, will not allow themselves or white people, no matter how much they want, to forget the ills of slavery.

There isn’t one educated black person who won’t compare the NFL, its owners, upper management and the black players who make the system go, accordingly.

EBP also enjoy drawing comparisons between how they were separated as house and field negroes during slavery and how it still affects their people today. Most people don’t even know that CP time is really an analogous term derived from slavery. Ah, you thought the acronym was “colored people.” Learn your history. It is “cotton-picking” time.

The ties don’t stop with these simplistic thoughts. There are books written entirely around this idea including Forty Million Dollar Slaves by William C. Rhoden of The New York Times (a read we recommend).

This though, is yet another topic a white person should never introduce to an educated black person. Don’t apologize for slavery either, doing so is akin to telling us about your one black friend or saying Cornel and Kanye West look like alike.

—-submitted by Damon S. (he also designed the nice header on our page)